Recently, I took to Reddit to make a post called Job searching hell, which I will eventually preserve by copying it to this website. Basically I just talked about the past year and a half in which I put in effort to apply to many jobs I was qualified for, and got basically nothing out of it but dismay/stress/despair.
I got mostly supportive responses to the post, but also a couple critics, which is fine. Just getting to socialize with people on the internet and talk about problems felt very therapeutic. There was some complaining to go around, but also a fair number of healthy “don’t give up” attitudes.
I had not used Reddit at all really since announcing GNV Transit several months ago. Now, weeks after making the job searching post, I am using it everyday and scrolling through my feed. I discovered r/LinkedInLunatics, which is satire criticizing all of the shallow/deceptive/arrogant corporate culture surrounding LinkedIn by publicly shaming individuals for their behavior.
When I read content like that, a morbid part of me revels in hatred and condescension. Another, more loving, part of me says “Dude, we’re happy about our low/scary expectations for this world being confirmed??” And I realize that I am sitting alone, grinning or even chuckling about how toxic millions of people are to each other every single day. What if, instead, I went out and made just one person’s day a little better. Or worked on my own self-worth and goals. Instead, I check the time to find out hours have gone by, and I’ve done nothing productive. I haven’t lived up to my purported values today, and instead chose to gorge on other people’s worst behavior to briefly feel better about my own willful negligence.
I used to think being cynical just meant I was more aware/smarter than most. Nowadays I understand that it is possible to recognize the chaos/toxicity/douchebaggery/whatever going on in the world, but still have faith in myself and everyone else to overcome it. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I woke up and chose to be an asshole the past couple of weeks. Sorry. I can do better.